The holiday season presents great challenges to our emotional and physical well-being. For people in recovery- whether that recovery is from substances, other people, or other compulsive behaviors- the period of time from Thanksgiving to the New Year is full of opportunities to act out in unhealthy and self-destructive ways.
Over the next three months, I will give you some pointers to guide you through the season while deepening your recovery during this tricky time of year. In short, I don’t want you to just survive the holidays. I want you to thrive through them.
The holiday season kicks off with Thanksgiving. It’s a holiday that’s traditionally celebrated with family and a huge meal. People who haven’t seen each for the entire year come together to celebrate the blessings of life. It sounds wholesome and pure. But what if your family is your trigger? What if the very thought of spending time with certain family members rattles you to the core and fills you with dread and anxiety? What if you are afraid that you will drink, use, over-eat or act out if you attend the family celebration?
In such a case, I believe you need to put “first things first”. Your recovery is your top priority every single day of the year. There are no exceptions. Your addiction doesn’t get a holiday on Thanksgiving- and your recovery shouldn’t either. If you don’t feel you are emotionally fit to attend a family gathering then you’re not emotionally fit to attend a family gathering. Above all else, trust your sober instincts.
Does this mean you should lie to your family to avoid hurting their feelings or to maintain your privacy? Absolutely not, recovery is about building self-esteem, not taking actions that will erode it.
To handle this situation, I recommend two things. The first is to come up with a Thanksgiving plan that enables you to show your gratitude through love and service. Through self-care you will love yourself- and your family. No one is worth a relapse and those who truly love you would never want you to take a risk with your recovery.
The service aspect comes from finding an opportunity to get out of your self and into a community of other people. There are many opportunities for service on this holiday. From service commitments at 12 Step meetings to delivering meals in nursing homes, homeless shelters and hospitals, there’s an action you can take that is has meaning for you.
My second recommendation is to tell your family the truth. Let them know that this holiday you’ve chosen to show your gratitude for the blessings in your life by being of service to people less fortunate. Explain that it was a difficult decision, but one that once made has filled you with joy. Remember that you don’t need to explain any further. You are an adult who is entitled to make decisions based on self-care.
And don’t fall into the trap of allowing your fear of other people’s opinions or reactions to compromise your spiritual, mental and physical growth. Recovery involves breaking destructive patterns and finding a healthier way of living in the world. If you feel a situation is going to cause you trouble, then step out of the way. In the end, Thanksgiving is only a day. Your recovery, while realized a day at a time, is the greatest gift of your lifetime.
If you’d like to share your comments or concerns about this holiday, please email me at phokemeyer@yahoo.com.
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