Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Anorexia
By
Paul L. Hokemeyer, JD, PhD(c)
Addictions Specialist
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I was recently discussing the concept of sexual anorexia with a colleague. He was confused by the topic and couldn’t find much information that clarified the issue for him. Apparently, one of his patients thought it might be something that affected her. After hearing a bit more about the woman- and that she was also struggling with a prescription drug addiction, I suspected his patient was right.
In my experience as an Addictions Specialist, I see how connected sexual issues are to a person’s and a family’s recovery.
We all know that men and women who are survivors of sexual abuse and trauma are much more likely to develop substance abuse problems than people who have not had negative sexual experiences. In addition, sexual identity issues are claimed as one of the primary reasons many people abuse alcohol and drugs. Essentially, when a person has a traumatic sexual past or troubling sexual present they use drugs, alcohol, other substances- and other methods- to manage these unpleasant emotions.
Sexual anorexia is one of the methods people use to manage the troubling emotions that plague their lives. It refers to the situation where a person closes the door on his or her sexual life to manage their unacceptable feelings. For these people, controlling their sexuality gives them a sense of ownership over their emotions.
And just like other addictions for a while this method of coping seems to work. When faced with a stressful or chaotic feeling, these people gain a sense of control and autonomy over their lives. But again, like in other addictions, this method of coping extracts a dire price.
Human sexuality is a human drive. It has an organic and biological function. To deny our selves sex is akin to denying our selves food and air. The challenge of course, is learning how to express our sexuality in a healthy and affirming manner.
Here, there is no one standard solution. Different approaches will work for different people. The key is to create a frame that is safe, contained and objectively measured. A good example of such a frame is to come up with a strategic plan that outlines the steps that will be taken to engage in nurturing and safe intimate encounters. This can be created in combination with a supportive friend, physician or therapist.
Remember, it’s important to create this plan in relationship with someone else. Destructive patterns of behavior thrive in isolation. They heal in honest and healthy relationships with others.